Jul 4, 2009

Jephthah and The God of Love

Straight from Judges chapter 11...

In the "Living Word", it comes to pass that the people of Ammon were warring with the people of Israel. Elders are sent from Gilead to the land of Tob to procure the courageous man called Jephthah for battle against Ammon. He agrees to help them, although they had kicked him out of his hometown years ago because his mother was a whore, so long as he gets to be their leader. They agree.
Apparently, Jephthah decides to make a deal with his god of love so he can be victorious in battle. What is this deal? Well, in exchange for victory, Jephthah pledges that the first to greet him out of his front door when he returns home shall be offered as a burnt offering to his god of love. Unfortunately, that means either his wife or only daughter (he has no other children) will be barbequed.
The war goes well for him and he slaughters many men (with love). He returns home, likely hoping his dog hears him approach or a slave will come to greet him but, alas, it is his only daughter who is first out his front door dancing and singing of his victory. Much like Hulk Hogan before a match, upon seeing his daughter, Jephthah tears open his shirt. "Aw, you dummy, you should have sent your mother! Now I gotta cook you! I promised our god of love." he says to his daughter (or something similar). "You promised our god of love what?! Well, give me two months to mourn my virginity (wink, wink)" she asks. Jephthah allows her two months and she wanders around the mountains "mourning" her virginity.
She does return after two months, who knows why, and Jephthah burns her alive. His god of love is pleased because he loves the smell (see Exodus and Leviticus), of all the smells of burning meat, virgin meat is probably the best.
What is the moral of this story? Fuck if I know.


15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Isnt it funny how a MAN made a choice and actually followed through with his choice. God didnt demand this of him his daughters death. he made a choice and a covenent with GOD. I wouldnt have made that choice but apperently Jeph did.

The moral of the story is a man made a choice.

Marcus said...

"The moral of the story is a man made a choice."

So it teaches about the relativity of morals? What are you talking about? A man making a choice is no moral at all. It teaches that, if victory in battle is your goal, human sacrifice works with the big ol' Lovey One in the sky.

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! GOTCHA!!!

You said: "What is the moral of this story? Fuck if I know."

Now you say....LMAO!!!

"It teaches that, if victory in battle is your goal, human sacrifice works with the big ol' Lovey One in the sky."

Well i guess you lied about it all along....LMAO!!!

Marcus said...

This is your book, you idiot, and you don't know the moral of this "living loving truth". I doubt you know what the moral to ANY story is without someone telling you. YOU'RE admitting that human sacrifice works! I'm not "LMAO" about that, it sickens me. You should be ashamed of yourself. Seriously, you're sick.

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHA!! i love it.I never admitted to anything you said i was admitting to so that means you are lieing again. Im clearly pointing out your obvious lies and yet another surfices.

!@!CHOP!@!

Marcus said...

I'm not lying when I say that the moral of this story eludes me. For you to claim that the lesson learned is that "a man made a choice" is odd to me. What was the man's choice? To burn his only daughter to death in a sacrifice to your loving god! Why did he do it? So that your loving god would allow him to kill. Your god is supposed to be omniscent, so it knew that all the blood would be shed, it knew the daughter would be sacrificed. That's your Divine Truth. Can you think of a better way of handling that situation if you were in your god's place? I hope so.

Anonymous said...

I'll ask you a question then Marcpuss. Did that man, in this story, make a covenent with his GOD?

yes or no?

Marcus said...

That man, in this story, made a covenAnt with YOUR god.

Now you answer: Why should I answer ANY of your questions when you do nothing but duck and dodge from mine?

Anonymous said...

AWHHH...so you admit that MAN made a COVENANT with GOD. SO that man made a choice before any covenant was made; you acknowledge GODS existance too?

So once again you blame GOD, a diety you say doesnt exist, over a man who chose to sacrifice his loved one for victory.Interesting how the blame games starts with something that doesnt exist. Yet man does exist and you havent a clue of either.Seems to me you like to shift blame to an empty space in your own life.Is that easier for you marcpuss?

What questions have you asked of me that require an answer. Most of your questioning has been rhetorical and that doesnt deserve an answer. Plus you like to say shit i never said. So you dont seem to have a huge problem with adding lip to your rhetoric.

You didnt know the moral, then you know the moral, now you dont know, fuck dude you are like a ship on a ocean getting tossed about all over the place. Truelly in lays the humor and im quick to point it out....LMAO!!!!

*man over board*

LMAO!!!!

Marcus said...

"AWHHH...so you admit that MAN made a COVENANT with GOD. SO that man made a choice before any covenant was made; you acknowledge GODS existance too?"- an idiot

I admit it is a story of a man making a covenant with your god. I don't acknowledge the existance of any gods.

Your entire second paragraph is the work of a retarded mind. For fuck's sake, at least try to think.

"Most of your questioning has been rhetorical and that doesnt deserve an answer. Plus you like to say shit i never said. So you dont seem to have a huge problem with adding lip to your rhetoric."- an idiot

My questions don't deserve answers? Fuck yourself. You do nothing but ask your same bullshit questions over and over even though they are answered. Let's not forget what question you want me to answer here, MY OWN FUCKING QUESTION. You don't believe in a god, you faith is worthless because it is a lie. If your god talks to you, answering my questions should be a cinch. Your shitty answers and lack of answers show me you are an idiot and a liar.

"You didnt know the moral, then you know the moral, now you dont know, fuck dude you are like a ship on a ocean getting tossed about all over the place."- an idiot

YOU don't know the moral, you don't know much of anything.

Anonymous said...

man over board!!!!!

So im a dolt and you are a liar. Whata pair....LMAO!!!

Marcus said...

You have proven to me that you do not know your bible as you claim. I would think that someone who believed it to be the words of their god would actually read it. I have given you all the chances to tell me about the lesson to be taken from this ridiculous story and all you do is tell me to tell you. There is no TRUE moral to this tale but your book has all the answers that a Bronze Age bigot requires. Maybe you should read Hebrews 11: 32-33 to learn what you are supposed to learn from the bloodthirsty Jephthah. Faith in your book is repulsive.

Anonymous said...

No the only true repulsive thing is your performance tonight against mike from fairway. OH THE ANGST!!! HAHAHAHA!! Man he stomped your lieing ass.

So you see marcuth, just like mike in many ways, i wont allow you to reverse you BS into a nice smelly pile of gooo. Nope it stands as bullshit and bullshit alone. Frankly you got called on your BS and you bailed per usual.

!@!CHOP!@! and mike got a !@!!@!@!@!@!@!@!CHOP@!@!@!@!@!@!@!@!

You froze and got PUNKED!~!

Now shine my shoes BOYEEEE!!!

Marcus said...

I would ask you to explain, but you can't even tell what god you worship...

Anonymous said...

Oh look more BS, you understood just fine.